Monday.
A neighbour comes round and asks to borrow a cup of sugar. I inform him that in Alan chapter 17, it says sugar cannot be traded on a Monday and then I insinuate that he has no right to exist as a human and is lower than vermin. Nice chap.
Tuesday.
Shocking scenes in Beirut with that enormous explosion. It's probably because they claim to have recorded civilisation there going back 7000 years which is impossible as the earth could only plausibly be 4000 years old. It says so in this book, probably. Anyway, I'm hoping there will be some sort of show of solidarity with the Lebanese at the game this weekend that I can make all about me.
Wednesday.
Day of rest due to a misprint in the bible.
Thursday.
Golf on the telly. This is outrageous and ungodly. If god had meant for us to play golf, he would have given us putters for fingers. I throw my TV out of the window and send the PGA the bill.
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